To Guard a Title that was Rich Before
by bbu22
Summary: The story of two of the bravest witch and wizard of their generation. Slightly AU. Starts from first encounter.
1. Lily: Last Meeting

**The title is not mine. I do not own any of the lyrics to the song. They only inspire me. I do not own any of the characters in this story. I do not claim to be J.K. Rowling. I only wish to borrow these characters and tell a story.**

"Well I just heard the news today

It seems my life is going to change

I closed my eyes, begin to pray

Then tears of joy stream down my face"

"With Arms Wide Open"-Creed

Lily pressed her hand to her swollen belly, strumming her fingers gently, urging her baby boy to kick. With a flutter, she felt him move, pushing on her insides, causing the strangest sensation. She had been pregnant for seven months now, but everything still astounded her.

Spring was in full swing. As she looked out the window, Lily could see the birds flying into the blue sky. She wished she could go outside, lounge in the warm sun, but she was to remain indoors. She was in hiding at the moment and could only go out with James's invisibility cloak as a companion. But she yearned for fresh air. Knowing it was against James and Dumbledore's orders, she quickly dressed and apparated a few minutes later.

With a crack, she landed on her old house's back porch. It had changed much. After her mother's passing, her father had started to attend to the yard to keep his mind of things. The garden was filled with budding flowers, petunias and lilies making up the bulk. But the roses in the middle were the most beautiful, in red, pink, white and yellow, they were a gift for her mother she knew. The smell was wonderful and Lily sat down, deciding to wait for her father to return from work.

But with nothing to do, Lily sat, gently grazing her fingertips over her belly and thought of the news Dumbledore had told her and James just last night. She was in danger, he had said, for having a child. You-know-who was after him. Thinking about it in now caused tears to form in the corner of Lily's eyes. She was already scared out of her mind knowing she was going to be a mum at such a young age, but to add the pressure of the war and then the final blow of knowing the most powerful Dark wizard in a century was after her unborn child, it was too much for her frail body.

James had been furious. He had cursed more than she had ever heard. Thrown around careless hexes at objects in the house and even used his beloved broom to smash the sitting room. Lily had been terrified, not just of the news but of how James had reacted. And instead of keeping her company during the night, he had left, claiming he had to plot with Remus, Peter and Sirius.

She had cried herself to sleep, hugging James's pillow to her, taking in his scent, wishing he was home. In the morning, she had found everything to be in order and a note was left on the kitchen explaining their dilemma. They would have to "disappear". They had already been in hiding, mostly to protect her pregnancy but also because they had had too many close encounters with You-know-who, three to be exact. He would notice them, with her flaming red hair and James's noticeable use of glasses, they were bound to be found out. So Dumbledore had suggested laying low, which Lily did willingly. She was never much of a fighter, but James fought hard and he enjoyed being in the action and had turned bitter for having to hide. But he was happy his child and wife were safe, and he gladly helped Lily with the preparations.

Before she could talk herself out of it, she brushed her tears away and started to walk down her old street, making sure to hide her hair with the brim hat she had brought from her house. She was determined to keep her mind off those horrible memories and she made her way past the old park. It was sad now, with the swings broken, litter everywhere and graffiti covering the pavement. It was no longer the haven it was to her as a child. It was also missing that important element, Severus.

She had tried to forget him. Once she had married and he had said goodbye, she was determined to be happy without him. And she was, James was wonderful, his parents had been so welcoming, though unfortunately they had died, leaving their entire estate to them. He was everything she had ever wanted, except he wasn't her best friend. She didn't have a history with him. She had ignored him until sixth year when they had become friends, but even then her mind and heart had still been wrapped up in Severus. Not until they had left Hogwarts, no longer being in Severus's presence, was she able to give into James completely. She loved him, so much, but she still thought of Severus in secret. In the nights James would leave to be with his friends, in the baths she would take to relax and in the small moments of life she wished she could share with him.

As if her feet were telling her what she subconsciously wanted, she ended up on Spinner's End. It was the same as she remembered: bleak, poor and dirty. There were fewer cars in driveways and many houses had boarded up windows. She walked as fast as her belly allowed her, to the end and slowly turned right. The house was worse than she remembered.

Now that she was there, Lily felt sick. Her legs were swollen and her back hurt terribly, but she knew she wasn't nauseous because of her baby, she was a nervous wreck. She didn't even know if he would still live here. His parents were dead and he was old enough to buy another place, somewhere in a nice town, studying Potions, or so she hoped. But she knew he wouldn't be. He had joined _him_, thinking it would save them, but he was mistaken.

When Dumbledore had come last night, he said his spy had found out the news. She had asked who it was and he had given her a look, a look that clearly said she knew the spy. She had thought of Severus, his tall thin body, his defining nose and scowl, his dark hair and his trademark green and black clothing. As if Dumbledore had read her mind, he had given her the smallest of nods and winked. Severus had not only saved her, but her husband and baby. She owed herself and him this. With that, Lily knocked on the door same as before, three hard knocks, waited a couple seconds, knocked once, waited once more and then gave the final three knocks.

She waited impatiently. She was aware that she looked very much pregnant and she suddenly became self-conscious, what would he think? That she was a stupid bint that couldn't even protect herself, that needed him to save her from her fate? She pulled on her shirt, hoping to make it looser, wrapping her cardigan around her body tightly, hoping to hide her belly. But it was useless.

She heard shuffling on the other side of the door and her heart seemed to stop. She wanted to apparate away but she was rooted to the ground. She could feel the thump of not only her heart but her baby's. They were both beating quite fast and she tried to take deep breaths but her back hurt very much and she felt sick. Why was she torturing herself in this way? They had not seen each other in a year and now she was going to pop up, expecting a happy visit with a Death Eater turned Order spy, while pregnant with his arch enemy's child. She had really thought that one out, she was an idiot.

Before she could think another thought, the door opened and she found herself face to face with Severus's long black wand. She gasped a little, scrambling in her pocket for hers but it slipped from her fingers, landing at a clatter on the floor. She swooped down to retrieve it but she had moved so fast, she had hurt her back. Crying out in pain, she grabbed at her back, trying to straighten out, but ended up hitting Severus in the face with her head. It hurt her worse than her back and she emptied her stomach onto his front porch, trying to pull back pieces of her hair that had gotten stuck to her sweating face.

She closed her eyes and tried to grab onto something steady, which turned out to be a shirtless Severus. He hastily put his arm around her, cleaned up the mess from the floor, led her inside, sat her down on his old couch and brought her a glass of water. She still had her eyes closed, not daring to open them, both because she could not face him but also because everything seemed to be spinning at the moment. She took her hat off and fanned herself with it, relishing the small breeze it caused, gulping in the air.

She felt the weight of Severus as he sat on the couch next to her. She could hear him breathing, very hard. She decided it was time to face her fear and she opened her eyes. Before her stood her best friend, seeing him person made her miss him more. His hair was longer than before, z few inches past his shoulders, his face the same as ever. The only new part of him was the black tattoo on his forearm, it seemed to glow in the light, bright as a beacon, calling in her attention. His hands, pale with many knicks and burns were clenched tightly in his lap. She could see every muscle in his arms. He seemed to have gotten bulkier, muscle noticeable under his skin, which was pulled taut over them. Some bones stuck out but not as badly as she remembered. He looked better, though he had dark circles under his eyes and those were bloodshot. Now that she noticed, his hair was a little disheveled. She had probably woken him.

She was playing with the hat, twisting it. She didn't know what to say. So she grabbed the glass on the table, and drained it. But halfway through, it was too much and she began to cough, sputtering the water all over Severus. He got up quickly, patted her back and took the glass away from her.

"I would appreciate it if you did not die in my home, Lily," he whispered very close to her ear as he rubbed her back, his hand warm even through her cardigan.

She nodded, not knowing what to say. He continued to rub her back, which felt nice. She was sore everywhere. She wanted to take her shoes off, but felt it would be rude. He stopped suddenly and it made her look up, catching his eye. She could see his pupil. She had always loved when she was younger when she could see the difference between his iris and pupil, knowing he was not dark hearted as he claimed. At the moment his eyes were guarded though there was a ghost of a tug at his lips. His lips looked so nice, the upper one plumper than the bottom. Before Lily could make sense of anything except his lips, she was kissing him.

He was frozen, he had clamped up as soon as she had pressed her lips to his. She remembered James at the last moment and jumped away from him, once more hurting her back. Severus grabbed her arms and sat her down again, but decided to stand rather than sit.

"I'm sorry! I didn't mean to do that, I was just….sorry Severus, please!" she started to plead as she saw him pace before her. His muscles were all coiled, as if he were a spring. He continued to pace.

He suddenly stopped and faced her, stating the obvious, "you are pregnant." She took in his emotionless face, but she could see the vein in his neck that always gave him away. He was feeling a strong emotion, but she did not know which. She mustered all the legendary Gryffindor bravery in her and began to speak.

"Yes, I am but that is not why I am here. I was here to thank you. To thank you for my baby's life. I wanted to see you before I went into more permanent hiding. I came because I needed an escape. I needed someone to listen to me prattle on about non-important and important things, like if naming my baby after my dad is cliché. I just wanted to see my best friend, even if you don't see me as such anymore…and…and…and…," she confessed. She had lost it in the end and tears had fallen thick and unwanted from her eyes. Severus had stopped pacing to look at her. She could not read his expression but he was not angry, if anything he seemed to be taking pity on her. But she was not like him, she took whatever he would give her, and pity was not as bad as hatred or anger.

She grabbed his hands from his side, noticing how cold they had gotten since he had rubbed her back. The Death Mark was near the side of her face, she could see the outline in her peripheral. She knew this was bad, a horrible mistake, but as she looked into his eyes, filled with something she could not read, everything was peaceful within her. The troubles from before seemed to disappear. The constant worry and fear melted, replaced with gratitude and calm. She had never felt this way in James' presence and she felt cheated. This was what her husband was supposed to do, not Severus. James, always James. But even thoughts of James went out the window when Severus squeezed her hands and sat down next to her.

"I cannot lie by saying I am glad you are, because I am not. But I'm glad you came to see me once more," he paused, looking away. He tried to take his hands out of her grasp but she held on tighter, leaning towards him until her belly was on his thighs, pressed up against his skin. He looked down, and a look of disgust and anger quickly played on his features, but he schooled them back. Only in his eyes, there remained a small amount of anger and hurt, to Lily's surprise. He didn't seem to be able to look at her, his surroundings much more interesting than the pregnant woman pressed up against him, crying her eyes out. "I knew you would figure out who had relayed the news to Dumbledore. A fool he is for being so easy to read. So kind to give you the answers you seeked."

"I would have figured it out regardless," she stated, desperate to change his feelings. She held on to his hands desperately, putting the four over her heart. She bent her head and kissed the tops of his. His hands so cold and pale, she half expected her kiss to brand his skin. As she pulled her head up to look at him, she was surprised when they were ripped from hers and he stood up quickly.

"And you are pregnant Lily. FUCKING PREGNANT! Did no one ever teach you that a war is an awfully fucking stupid time to bring a child into the world? Or did Potter," he spat his name out, halting her attempts to pick herself up from the couch, "put you up to this. Good for nothing but baring his heir."

His words were venomous and they caused her to continue her silent tears. She knew she could leave, disappear. Go back to her home and wait for her husband, drink some tea and discuss their lives in whispered voices. But she couldn't leave Severus yet, she had to explain. Explain the reason she was here.

"Severus," she whispered so softly, not wanting to take him from his anger. He was pacing back and forth again, murmuring darkly under his breath. Every time he passed the lamp, his skin would glow. She slowly got up and made her way to him. She put her hands on his back, marked by not only his father but her own husband and her anger spiked. She slowly spanned his back with her hands, watching as goose bumps erupted on his skin. She cried in anger. She cried for his future, for her future, her child's future, knowing they would never be together. She would always be one step before him, her baby never getting to meet the man before her. She slowly wound her hands around him, pushing her belly into the small of his back and feeling his heart beat at a faster pace than hers.

He turned around slowly, as if it was painful. She still had her arms around him, keeping his arms to his side. But she loosened her grip and he was able to take them out and put them on her shoulders. He tried to push her but she shook her head, digging her nails into his back, watching her tears fall on her shirt. And then what she had been waiting for all night happened. He took her in his arms. Pushing into her slightly, she felt his breath in her ear as he bent down to hug her properly.

At that moment, her baby gave a kick and she felt overfilled with emotion. With James she felt whole, alive and well. But with Severus, life took on a different meaning; everything was above them, within reach but away from them. It was only them. It had always been just them.

As if he could read her mind, he whispered into her ear, "Always Lily, Always."

That was the last time she ever saw him.

**A/N: Ok so this is going to be a lengthy one, so bear with me. I started with this moment but I will be trying to retell the story of what I find to be one of the greatest pairing in the HP Universe. **

**I will be the first to say that I never liked **_**Professor **_**Snape. I hated him in the first three books, but in the fourth it changed for me. He was working for Dumbledore and though his attitude was harsh, by reading the final book, it made sense to me. **

**Harry Potter is filled with stories of love, unconditional love. Whether it was Lily's sacrifice, Narcissa's unbreakable vow, Sirius's recklessness or Dumbledore's secrets, they are all stories of love so strong it transcends. But the story I find the most heartbreaking and wonderful is of the Half-Blood Prince. He loved Lily passionately, and yes it was love not obsession because his Patronus changed to hers, and it led him to be as Harry says, one of the bravest men he had ever known.**

**I am not blind to Snape's defaults. He is not nice, handsome, or funny but he is intriguing. This is the reason for this story. I want to tell my idea of this pairing. It is slightly AU and young Severus is a tad OOC but not drastically. I hope it does a bit of justice to Lily and Sev.**


	2. Severus: First Sighting

**Disclaimer: I don't own the lyrics to the song below, I just love them. My middle name actually starts with a K, unlike J.K. Rowling, who owns all the characters.**

"Hey silly girl, I think I got a thing for you…

…These days are filled with such disaster

Sometimes I think that life will never be the same

Sometimes I think that's the answer"

"_Cliff Diving" by +44_

Severus had seen many different shades of red in his short life.

There was the candy red color of the autos that would pass by the playground. They were bright in the sunlight and like a beacon in the snow. He knew the rouge of the women who took up his street as their haunt. In the darkness, with only the streetlamp as guidance, their cheeks glowed like stoplights, attracting men like moths to their flaming cheeks and lips. There was the crisp red of the leaves when they changed color in the fall. The piles collected in the streets, tidy in the nicer neighborhoods, a mess in his. His mother drank burgundy red wine. It filled her glass slowly, but disappeared down her throat rapidly. The color would never stay long in her cup. He also knew of red so dark it was black. The blood flowing from his beatings used to be his favorite shade. The harsh contrast of the color gushing out of his wounds against his pale skin was the best color.

He was wrong though. One red was above all these. It was the star guiding him north in the storm. It was vibrant and full of life, much like the girl he associated it with. It was the color of her hair.

He had taken to playing at the edge of the playground a block away from his home at an early age. He knew he had to stay out of trouble or he'd face the fury of his father. Word got around quickly in the small town and with his father being a regular at the only pub in town, he would be sure to hear the whispers of the freak boy from Spinners End, his own son.

Severus did not join the other well dressed and groomed children in their games of hide and seek or tag for this reason. He would stay under the trees, picking at the grass and making little piles which he would levitate when all the other children were gone. In the comfort of the shade of the trees, he would practice what his father swore he'd stamp out of him with his fists.

He had seen her sister before. Blonde, tall and rude. She always had her nose up in the air, even around her friends from school. He did not pay attention to her, but at times he could feel the intensity of her stares on him. He'd peek a glance through his hair and see the look of utter disgust, not unlike the one his parents used, on her face.

Severus knew she thought him strange, like the rest. He knew he was different, having no money to buy nice clothes. His hair not cut into the boring short haircut all the other boys and men seemed to have. Not enough food to fill him out properly, so he was all skin and bones.

He felt a boiling anger underneath his skin. Everyone else ignored his presence, letting him play with the green grass instead of with them. This girl, with her long face and big teeth, did not leave him alone though. Soon her looks became more pronounced and comments were made to her snooty friends.

He could feel his anger over this girl growing steadily every day. His anger soon turned to fury as he put her in the same category as his dad. Both muggles, who thought they knew him, could break him. They thought he was weak, when in reality they were at his mercy if he chose to turn to magic. He couldn't stand being in the same area as her. Her shrill voice. Her ugly dresses. Her pathetic stares.

One day he was so angry at overhearing her say the word freak to describe him that he made her trip as she walked home. He had known he could do it; he had tried it out on other kids in the park. But none brought the same satisfaction as seeing the ugly girl fall to her knees, her cry of pain music to his ears. He could see the dark red of her blood dripping to the floor. He could feel a warm sensation in his limbs and chest as he grinned broadly at her cry. Her pain was his strength. She couldn't even run home. She was pathetic and weak, easily broken, unlike him. He was strong, stronger than her.

He knew she knew it was him. The next day she came with her knees bandaged but with a brave look on her face. She would look at him with outmost loathing on her face and he could tell she blamed him for her knees. This made him angrier. The warm sensation was gone and he knew he had to see her pain again to quench the thirst for it. But he knew that would bring too much attention to him.

He took to the riverbank, with trees obscuring his view of the playground, as an escape. He liked to lay on his back and dream of the magical world he belonged to. His wand would be powerful. He'd seek revenge on his father and the idiotic blonde girl. He'd know what true power was after making them suffer. The thought of his revenge sent shiver of pleasure through his small body. They'd understand his power in the future.

One day he heard the blonde telling her friends she had to bring her baby sister with her. She whined the whole day, practically crying over having to bring her. Severus laughed quietly into his hand over her anger. This younger girl was already a plus in his book for causing her horrible sister discomfort.

The next day Severus could hear the blonde tell her younger sister all the rules from a block away. He peeked from the trees full of curiosity as he heard the blonde tell her sister to stay where she could see her.

The girl next to one of his biggest enemies was his favorite shade of red.

In the sunlight she seemed to be on fire. The perfect red of her hair was his burning passion. She was the exotic in his normal pathetic life. She was magic, in all its glory for him. Him alone.

Waist long with fringe, it was perfect. Her cheeks were rosy, her mouth formed into a beautiful smile. Her eyes spoke volumes to Severus. A whole library of this girl was open to him. He would not rest until her knew every detail about her.

Severus knew he hadn't blinked since he first had set eyes on her. This was a moment to catalogue. He could feel it in his bones, this girl was magical. No, she was magic. There was energy around her which spoke to Severus even though he was not near her. He could feel the accelerated beat of his heart in his ears, the blood rushing to his head, pounding deliciously against his skull. His mouth was hanging open and he knew he was staring, but he didn't care. His dark eyes took in everything as he continued to watch her.

She liked the swings the best. Severus watched with eyes wide open as she jumped off the swings in fancy formations, giggling an enchanting laugh. Her stupid sister would scold her, but this girl would pay no attention. She was perfect.

They stayed late. He knew it was getting dark and she would soon leave. He wanted to reach out to her. Speak to her of magic. She was brimming with it. But her sister, Tuney was her name, did not allow the magnificent girl to stray.

As she walked away in the fading sunset, Severus knew his life was caught in a hurricane. Every bone in his body tingled as he thought of the girl with the flaming hair and deep green eyes. His soul ached for her magic, far greater than even his. He knew she was a witch and he would tell her the next chance he got.

**A/N: So just a couple short comments. I think possibly this young Snape is a bit OOC, but when I picture him, I think of a boy who is abused and has no one to turn to so he boils in his emotions. Later, Lily will have her way with him and then Hogwarts will once again change him (for the worst). I want to set up the idea of what will become of the grown up Sev and Lily.**

**So please please review if you read this, let me know what you think!**


	3. Lily: First Sighting

**A/N: I want to say this is short, but necessary. Hope you like it. If you read it please review, whatever the comment may be. Thank you. **

**Disclaimer once again. I do not own the lyrics to this song or the characters from this book. **

"Looking at you, holding my breath,

For once in my life, I'm scared to death,"

First Time-Lifehouse

Lily thought she had mystery and strangeness figured out. She after all created mysterious occurrences and was stranger than any other girl in her class. But the boy from Spinner End, he exceeded even her.

The first thing she noticed about him was the fact that he was skinny. She could see the bones of his collar and his cheeks had a sunken-in look, which brought out his cheekbones. Next, she noticed the contrast of his pale skin against his raven black, shoulder length hair. No boy at her school had long hair, they all had it cut short but this boy had longer hair then even Tuney.

She was never allowed to go to the park because her mother thought she was too young. But one summer, when she was eight, her mother finally gave in. Lily automatically loved the playground. It was so much fun to run around and jump and swing and laugh. She would go ever opportunity she had.

The first time she saw him, he was in the shade of the trees. His hair was in his face and his shirt was so loose it hung off his small frame. He had his legs up to his chest and his arms resting on top, leaning against one of the trees. She could not see if he was awake but it seemed he was facing her direction.

Throughout the day, she stole glances at the boy and noticed he would shift his position to be facing her all the time. He could not see his face but she had a hunch he was looking at her. This made a flutter in her stomach come alive. She knew it was silly to be excited, but she couldn't help it. He was strange and she loved things that were strange.

One day, she went to the store with her mother and Tuney. As she walked hand in hand with her sister, she caught a glimpse of the boy.

He was wearing trousers which fit him big at the waist, sagging because he had no belt, but short at the bottom. They left a good three inches visible from his shoes. His socks didn't match, one was black and the other was a vibrant green. She looked down at her boring matching socks and wished she had two different color socks on. His shirt was huge on him; it hung off his shoulder, showing his delicate collarbone. He had a gray jacket over it, which seemed to be just as big as the shirt, flapping behind him as he walked. His hair was in his face and his hands were in the pocket of his trousers. He seemed to be looking down as he walked, kicking at some rocks, not really paying attention.

Tuney had started to talk to their mother in her loud voice, which seemed to register with the boy. He looked up suddenly, a look of anger on his face. As soon as he caught her eye though, his face became a look of wonder. His eyes were wide, she could see they were dark, his nostrils flared, which was easy to see from the distant because his nose was big, and his mouth opened and closed.

She was a bit intimidated that she would bring about such a reaction from him, but she felt the flutter in her stomach and a strange sensation in her chest, near her heart, as she looked at him with interest. His face was so funny, mostly because he was still opening and closing his mouth that she smiled. In turn, the boy was even more shocked. His eyebrows reaching so high up, it was too funny and she let out a laugh.

Tuney looked down at her and saw her looking and smiling at the boy. She pulled her back and told her not to be looking at the freak. He was trouble and she should stay away from him. Her mother also looked in the direction, frowning and asking Tuney to be nice and apologize to Lily. Lily didn't seem to hear or care in the slightest. She was still smiling at the boy, the flutters from before increasing as she slowly put up her hand and waved to him.

He looked behind him, thinking her wave wasn't to him, which made her laugh a little louder. He was a strange boy but was also funny. He turned around and his face was no longer surprised. His lips were not in a big smile, but the corners had turned up a bit, the left side more, creating a small lopsided smile. He slowly put his hand up and shook it slowly from side to side, as if he did not know he was doing it right.

She smiled bigger and felt the flutters right in her hand. She could feel something from him but wasn't sure what. She liked it though, a lot.

They walked past the boy, her sister making nasty remarks under her breath, her mother asking where she knew the boy from, but Lily paid no attention. Her eyes never left his. Her mouth never stopped smiling, and the flutter didn't go away. Eve after she was in bed that night, no longer seeing his dark eyes and her mouth no longer in a smile, the flutter was still there as she thought of him. He was strange but so was Lily


	4. Severus: First Meeting

**A/N: I have changed the rating of this story to M for violence, language and possibly some sexual situations in the future. This chapter contains both VIOLENCE AND LANGUAGE. Please don't read if either offends you. I am trying to set up Severus's life, which includes his awful father. **

**Another warning would be this meeting is different than the one JK Rowling wrote. The initial meeting is the same as the one from the book, but this meeting is all mine. **

**With those two warnings out of the way, hope you enjoy and please review if you read it. Thank you to the one reviewer from last time, it means a lot.**

"green eyes and freckles and your smile…

…'Cause all I know is we said "Hello"

And your eyes look like coming home

All I know is a simple name"

"Everything has changed"-Taylor Swift ft. Ed Sheeran

He knew he had destroyed his only source of happiness. He kicked and punched a tree, angry tears falling down his cheeks. He had done something so stupid, something so reckless, he knew it would haunt him for the rest of his life.

He couldn't stop crying. He didn't remember a time when he had ever cried this much. His tears soaked his shirt, leaving darker blotches around his chest. He finally gave up on the tree, his knuckles bloody from the rough bark. He dug his palms into his eyes, willing the tears to stop, but they kept coming. The tears licked the cuts on his fingers; it stung but Severus gladly took the pain.

He had told her she was a witch and she had been offended. He had desperately tried to fix the mistake but her idiotic sister had been there, setting fire to his last remaining hope. He had tried to fix it, but it hadn't worked.

He wanted to feel pain, real physical pain, in order to forget the pain he felt in his chest. A feeling so intense and raw, it was scary. He went home with a purpose, to anger his father. Luckily, his father was drunk already, reeking of stale alcohol.

As soon as he walked through the door, Severus screamed at the top of his lungs, anguished and hurt. It served its purpose. His dad awake, seeing red, and took his anger out on his son. Fists were hitting every available area: face, shoulders, chest and stomach. Fingers gripped his neck roughly and pulled him against the wall. Repeated words and blows to his gut was his payment for his mistake.

When his father let go, he crumbled to the floor. One eye was shut but from the other he could see his blood trickling to the ground. Silent tears fell from his eyes. Not for his father, but from losing her.

His father then kicked him while he was on the floor. One made contact with his nose and Severus heard the crunch more than felt it. He lost track of how long he was conscious after this father left him. He counted the throbs of his head but soon he gave into the heaviness of his body and fell asleep.

His whole body hurt when he awoke. He felt himself be pushed upright and fed a scalding liquid. It took the pain away but he kept thinking of her. His favorite shade of red, racing behind her in the wind. Her laughter ringing in his ears, the small wave she had given him three months ago. Her face full of pleasure as he waved back. It all came back as he emptied himself into a bucket in front of him.

A cool towel was put on his forehead. He was given another liquid and soon his anguished thoughts became sweet dreams. They were lying on the grass as they looked at the clouds, her hand coming to greet his. A warm feeling started from his hand continuing through his veins to everywhere in his body until he thought he would burst from it. Her eyes looking at him full of understanding and care. He was hugging her fiercely, her warm body against his as he breathed in her hair. The ruby red swirls around them as she hovered above him, inches from his face.

The next time he awoke, he could open both eyes. His cuts were gone, his nose fixed and even his bruises were gone. His mother had intervened. She was not the caring sort, but he knew it had been bad.

Severus didn't thank her, though she was sitting in the corner, sipping wine. She just watched him as he decided what to wear. He tried to pick something that would make him look normal, but all his clothes were either too small or too big. He found some brown trousers which fit him long, but well around the waist. He could feel his mother's eyes on him as he sorted through his small pile of shirts. She left and came back quickly with a dark green jumper in hand. When he slipped it on, it fit a little loose but better than anything else he owned. His mother silently combed his hair down as Severus put his shoes on.

Severus looked at his mother. She was not sweet, she was not strong and she definitely did not intervene. But as he looked at the eyes he inherited, full of love for mere seconds, he understood where they stood. He quickly squeezed her hand and gave her a small but sincere smile and rushed outside.

He waited all day. Sitting until his bum hurt dreadfully from the ground. His stomach growled, but he continued to wait. The light slowly faded from the sky and the wind picked up, but he waited. She had to show up, she just had to.

He was about to close his eyes and accept defeat when he looked at the swings and saw his favorite shade of red. It was pulled into a ponytail that swung behind her as she used her small feet to move herself on the swing. Severus swallowed hard and took in her small form. She was so little, but he could see the electric magic around her. He knew this was his only chance. He dusted himself off and walked towards her.

He subconsciously put his hair in his face as she looked up. His hands were in tight fists in the pockets of his trousers and he could feel the sweat begin to accumulate in his palms. It was cold in the park now but he could feel his face burning up.

She had on a green jumper to match his, but hers was vibrant and brought out the color of her eyes perfectly. He stopped right in front of her and looked down at the ground. He could see her socks. One was light pink while the other was purple with tiny white flowers. They didn't match and he remembered his didn't either. He picked up his trouser hems and underneath a brown and blue sock and a black sock were visible. She had been looking at his face but quickly looked down to see what he was doing. She smiled slightly when she looked back at his face.

From his standing position, Severus could see the freckles on the bridge of her nose and neck. Her cheeks were rosy from the wind. On closer inspection, he was able to see the small ring of gold around her pupil which turned into the most beautiful green. The magic around her was so electrifying, Severus could almost taste it.

"I came this whole week you know," she whispered softly. He looked at her thin lips as she spoke; they were the color of the raspberries that grew near the riverside. She had large front teeth which hid her bottom ones.

"I came everyday but I never saw you," she said a little louder. Tears could be seen forming in her eyes from his point of view. He didn't know what to say to her. He had been beaten so badly he was in bed the whole time. He couldn't tell her that but he couldn't just leave her either.

"I was busy at home, I had no time to come out," he said to her in a voice that to his horror, cracked from not being used all week.

"I thought you weren't going to show. I thought you went away forever. I was so sad…" her voice lost its volume as she continued.

Severus couldn't look away from her eyes. Though the wind was blowing both their hairs in every way, he felt a strange warmth spreading slowly and lazily through him. It was as if his blood had turned to lava and was taking his whole body down into the depths of the earth.

"I'm Lily by the way," she said so softly he almost did not hear her.

Lily. Lily. Lily, Lily. _Lily._

A flower so sweet, so innocent, so pure. Painting a lily would be a waste for it was already perfect. Perfect in every way. Like her.

"My name is Severus. Severus Snape," he sneered his last name. She looked at him curiously and quickly put out her hand. He merely looked at it before she started to shake it impatiently as if wanting something from him.

She giggled softly. "We're supposed to shake hands when we meet Severuuuuuusss," she elongated his name and her front teeth were visible as she hissed the last syllable. He took his hand out of his pocket slowly, making sure to wipe it on the way out and placed it in her small one.

The slow lava that had been moving through him exploded with an intensity so brilliant, that he gasped. But his small gasp was drowned out by her loud one. He closed his eyes briefly and on his eyelids he could see red and green sparks erupting right before him. And when he opened his eyes, the red and green were still present but in the form of her.

"Wow! That was brilliant Severus! Did you make it happen?" she asked in an excited voice full of wonder. He looked confused. Had she seen the sparks too?

"I saw the most wonderful fireworks. They were green, but they were so dark they were black. But the background was a brilliant white. I could see every detail. It was as if you were the fireworks Severus! It was beautiful!" she spoke rapidly and he hung onto every word.

As he held her small hand in his huge pale one, he smiled a huge smile, one that showed the crooked teeth he tried very hard to hide. She smiled back and he could make out her bottom teeth, which were also crooked, though only slightly.

He looked into her eyes, some of her fringe falling into her pale eyelashes, and he knew he had never been happier than in this moment.


	5. Lily:First Encounter

**A/N: Ok so I will not be updating for a while due to deadlines for essays and finals coming up in less than TWO weeks. I am up to my neck in work but wanted to leave a slightly sweet chapter that explains why Severus calling her "Mudblood" hurt Lily as much as it did. As for age, they are ten.**

**This story will end in canon, so there will be both their deaths and Harry will exist. As for the rest, I am just trying to tell the story of what I imagined happened, so it is slightly AU with all the major components still in place. As you can tell from above, the Mudblood incident will occur but I will not go into detail, since the book does this already, and instead focus on the aftermath. I want to explain why Severus and Lily ended up where they did in canon and hopefully I do an ok job. **

**So thank you for anyone reading this and please do review!**

**Disclaimer (which I forgot last chapter!): The characters in this story are not mine, nor while I ever claim them to be mine. I also did not write the lyrics. **

"And you're lost

Be brave

I'm coming to hold you now

When all your strength has gone

And you feel wrong"

"_Follow Me"- Muse_

Lily did not understand how playing and talking with one boy could be so much fun. The boys at her school were all dirty, loud and annoying.

But Severus was none of this. Though his clothes were not the best, he was always clean and smelled fresh whenever she was close enough to tell. He would speak only when he had something worth mentioning or when directly asked a question. And he most certainly was not annoying. He did not make fun of her hair, or her teeth and not even her freckles, which were main source of jokes at her school.

One day he had asked him what he thought of her freckles. There wasn't much on her face, but her shoulders, chest, arms and torso were full of them. Even her thighs had a lot. She didn't like how boys would tease her about them. Severus never mentioned them, though sometimes he would touch one, or rather a cluster, on her arms. His fingertips were always soft and barely applied any pressure but Lily secretly enjoyed those moments.

"Freckles are to you Lily as warts are to toads," he told her one day after she had pestered him about what he thought. He was trying to keep a serious look on his face but his top teeth were chewing on his lower lip and she could tell he was holding back a smile.

"Well in that case Sev, I think long sleeves are to you as those warts are to toads and freckles are to me!" she exclaimed with a laugh, pulling on his sleeve near his wrist.

This time Severus really did smile. His small lopsided one but a smile nonetheless.

"Well Lily, not all of us like to go around in the sun with bare shoulders and arms. Imagine I was prone to sun freckles! The horror!" he said as he put his arm over his eyes and sighed dramatically.

She laughed harder but quickly put her hand over her mouth to muffle the sound. Tuney was at the park today and if she could hear Lily, she would be angry at her for being in the company of "that Snape boy", as she referred to Sev.

She remembered the first time she had called him Sev. He had been mildly surprised but had concluded he liked it. His name was special, connected to magic, and at times Lily thought she was not special enough to say his true name. She had decided Sev was better than Rus. Rus sounded much too plain but Sev still held some magic to it.

Since the day they had become friends, all they would talk about was magic. Sev knew all about witches and wizards and the magical world they lived in. He was very knowledgeable and Lily held on to every word he said.

He explained his mother was a witch, though his father was a Muggle, like her parents. He rarely spoke of his parents and when she tried to mention his father, a dark look would pass over his features and his lips would form an ugly sneer. She hated when he looked this way and so she didn't mention his family often.

Soon, something began to worry her. Sev did not just talk bad about his father, he would talk bad about every Muggle, including Tuney. He was right that Tuney had been mean to both of them since before they had become friends but he said such horrible things, it made her cry at night.

He spoke highly of her though. He would always praise the little magic she could do with enthusiastic remarks, saying she was sure to be top in all her classes at Hogwarts. But she knew she was practically a Muggle. There was no one else in her family that was magical, no one to teach her. She only had Sev. He was her connection to the magical world. Without him, she would never understand. Without him, she would be lost.

She decided to show some courage and ask him. It was an extremely warm day in mid-July. She had kicked off her sandals and was wading in the shallow part of the river. The bottom of her yellow dress was damp from the water. Severus had rolled up his trousers and taken his shoes and socks off to join her. His feet were as pale as the rest of him. Lily's toes were small and short, but his were the complete opposite, they looked like fingers on his feet.

"Sev, does it matter that I have no magical family? I mean my parents don't know anything about it and everyone else in my family is too…boring to be witches or wizards," she explained as she kicked her feet around, " I mean you have a mum who is witch and you told me her whole family has gone to Hogwarts."

Sev was silent. He began wading further into the water , getting the bottom of his trousers wet. But he didn't seem to notice because he kept walking forward. Soon he was up to his thighs in water, but he still didn't seem to notice. Right as she was going to call his name, he seemed to lose his footing and fell down with a splash.

"Sev! Are you ok?" she cried as she rushed to his side, slipping the whole way.

His hair was wet and sticking to his face and neck in strange patterns. His loose long sleeve was plastered to him and his trousers were weighed down with all the water. He was sputtering and trying to get up but kept slipping on the rocks. Lily tried to give him her arm to hold on to, but he put too much weight on it and she fell down with him.

Her arm hit his shoulder as they both hit the bottom. His arm clenched around her hip and he tried to push her up, as not to fall on the rocks but her bottom hit the rocks so hard she bounced back up and landed on Sev. His face was in the water and she tried to scramble off of him but the rocks were too slippery. So she sat down gingerly and dragged him into a sitting position next to her.

Her hair was all wet. It clung to her back and shoulders. The water was cold and goose bumps had erupted over her arms. As she looked over to Sev, she could see him attempt to tame his hair as he coughed up his lung. He looked so miserable she couldn't help but laugh. He finally looked over at her once his coughing fit passed and she supposed that what he saw was funny because he too began to laugh.

She had never heard him laugh. He would only smile sometimes or snort, but never fully laugh as he was now. His eyes crinkled in the corners and his teeth were visible. She knew she had slightly crooked teeth because her mum would tell her but Sev had the most intriguing teeth. They were all the same length, but they stuck out in odd places. His two front teeth seemed to be trying to fit into a spot for only one tooth and his canines were sharp and both facing outwards.

When they had stopped laughing he posed an important question: "how do you suppose we are to get to the bank?"

"I think we should crawl," she suggested with a smile.

So for twenty minutes they slipped and slide on their hands and knees to the edge. Lily had gotten there first and so she had given her hand to Sev in a helpful gesture. He took it and though she was cold, his touch warmed her up.

They decided to lie out in the sun to dry their clothes, it was still early and they had plenty of sunshine left. Severus used a few sticks and her jumper to shield their faces from the glare as they laid out on their backs next to each other.

"You haven't answered my question Sev, " she said as she tucked an arm under her head in order to face him. He had both arms behind his head and had his eyes closed.

From where she was laying, Lily could see the bones of his collar and ribs through his sticky shirt. She brought a hand and traced his collarbone slowly. She could feel Sev freeze underneath her touch but soon relaxed as she continued her motion. She had a strong urge to touch him, his skin, so she slowly put her hand inside through the top of his shirt. His skin was soft but his bone felt hard. She ghost her fingers over it slowly, applying more pressure each time she passed it. Sev made a humming sound and put one of his hands over hers. She stretched out her palm and being doing so, she was able to feel his heartbeat.

They stayed liked this for a little time until Sev took her hand out and pressed it to her heart, with his hand over hers still. Her hand was small compared to his and it took up a lot of room on her chest. He applied pressure to her hand as he said, "are our heartbeats different Lily?"

She had thought Sev's heartbeat was calming, soothing. It thumped hard and slow. He was alive and next to her. Her heartbeat was a little fainter but it had the same rhythm. Hard and slow.

She shook her head. They were the same. She and Sev's heartbeats sounded the same, different ranges, like everything about them. He was thin and pale, with long fingers and toes. She was small, short and full of color. But they were still the same, magical.

"Just as our heartbeats are no different, our magic is no different. We are both fully magical, no matter who our family is. We both will be going to Hogwarts and we both will succeed in whatever we do Lily. Trust me."

His words were so reassuring and full of truth; she felt her heart beat a little bit faster. Sev must have felt it because he looked over to her and smiled his lopsided smile. That was the moment Lily knew Sev cared about her, no matter if she was Muggleborn or not. He would always be her best friend.


	6. Severus:First Christmas

**Disclaimer: I do not own these characters and I certainly am no Christmas song writer or singer.**

**I had written this a while back but it fits perfectly for the holidays. So hope you enjoy Sev and Lily's first Christmas!**

**Please, like always review and hope you enjoy it.**

"Have yourself a merry little Christmas,

Let your heart be light

From now on, our troubles will be out of sight"

"_Have yourself a merry little Christmas_"-Frank Sinatra

As summer ended, Lily had to attend school with all the other Muggle children. Severus had never attended Muggle schools, his mother thinking it was beneath him. She had taught him how to read and write at a young age and he had caught on quickly.

He had always enjoyed reading. He would sneak his mother's old books from her room when she was not in and read as fast he could, memorizing as it all. Most of her books were school texts but sometimes he would get history books or on a good day a book full of Dark magic.

He knew his mother had studied Dark magic before she had become pregnant. Her family had pushed her to learn and most of the books were gifts from them. She would occasionally receive one or two for her birthday through owl post. There were many curses in the books, which Severus took in like a sponge. He knew he wanted to be ahead when he got into Hogwarts. There would be many students who came from pure blood families. He did not want Lily or himself to be left behind.

So to kill time while Lily was in school, he would read out by the river. The weather had gotten colder and he would have to double, at times triple up on his clothing. He would spend most afternoons looking at the grotesque imagery of what the Dark spells could do. He imagined his father being his guinea pig when he was older and would be able to do these spells outside the walls of school.

Lily was usually not allowed out every day because she had work to do. He would see her two, maybe three times a week. Always on Saturday and thus it began to be Severus's favorite day of the week.

They never did anything big. Usually walk around because it was cold to stay in one place too long. They would walk around the block or at times go to the small store on the other corner of her street, which had a friendly owner who sometimes give them free candies.

Lily's hair was usually hidden behind different hats. Her mother was a worrier and would wrap so many clothes around her, Lily looked twice her size. She usually had on two scarves, her mother forgetting to count the one she already had on and she would always share with Severus. She would insist on him taking her pink one, but he usually ended up wearing the green or black one she sometimes wore. One day though, she got her way.

"Please oh please Severuussssss! You will look so cute with this scarf on. It will bring out the color of your eyes," she pleaded with him, for what seemed like the twentieth time that day.

Severus could feel his resolve melt away. Her eyes were big and bright, he could clearly see the gold ring. The wind wiped his hair around and the little ball on top of Lily's hat was in a frenzy, bouncing every which way. Her mittened hand held the scarf tightly. She kept saying her scarf did not match her green coat but Severus thought she looked cute. Severus did not want to look cute. Lily could look as wonderful as she usually did, but he would be the opposite.

He fancied himself her opposite. She was so soft, full of colorful magic, and energetic. He was all angles, his magic much more subtle and calm. Her hair and eyes were as beautiful and pure as her soul, his dark ones reflected his. Though he knew he was not the best friend for her, he loved the idea of them fitting together like a puzzle.

As he looked down at his clothing, he decided to take the scarf from her. Her other scarf was light gray, with small cotton balls at the ends, matching her hat. Severus had to admit she looked particularly smashing in Slytherin colors. He couldn't look away from the small balls hitting her hips as she shifted impatiently from one foot to the next, awaiting his answer.

"If I take your scarf, will you not bother trying to convince me for the next month?" he asked in a voice that was trying to be harsh but held a hint of amusement in it.

"Oh of course Sev! You are the best! Let me put it on you," she replied as she hastily grabbed the front of his coat and pulled him closer to her. She was not tall enough to reach his neck, so he bent down a bit and she went on her tiptoes to put it on him. She slowly wound it around his neck twice, made a knot in the center and arranged it to fall directly in front of the buttons on his coat. It was still warm from where she had held it.

Severus knew he looked like a bloody idiot. But at that moment, seeing the hope and joy in Lily's eyes was worth the day of humiliation as long as he knew it was him who put those emotions there. She grabbed his bare hand, which was cold from the air, put it in her coat pocket along with hers and walked towards the river.

Soon though, the weather turned from awful to dreadful. One day, a week from Christmas, Severus woke up freezing. He looked outside and there was a blanket of snow on the ground. He had never taken a fancy to snow, for the main reason that whenever he was in it, he got sick. But it was Saturday and he would probably not see Lily until after Christmas since she was going away to visit her grandparents for a week.

The day before, she had asked him to dress nicely and to comb his hair. He had asked relentlessly why but she had not given him any clues. But he had pressed some new black trousers his mother had given him. They fit a bit loose around the waist but he had found an old belt of his father's and by making a few new holes, was able to use it just fine. He wore his dark green jumper, which was Lily's favorite and made for the bathroom to try to fix his hair.

Severus never cared about his hair. He would rarely comb it and would just run shampoo through it when he showered, never really scrubbing. He wouldn't allow his mother to cut his hair. He knew longer hair meant the wizard was more powerful. Plus his father was always wore his hair short, he didn't want to look like him. But Lily had told him to comb it, so with some difficulty, Severus ran a comb through his shoulder-length hair.

He grabbed Lily's present from his room before heading downstairs to put his boots on and grab his coat. He didn't run into either of his parents, his father working and his mother probably laying down. He left a note for his mother in the kitchen, reminding her to buy more milk and tea then left.

By the time he had made it to the park Lily was already sitting on the swing. From behind he could see his favorite shade of red was curled into loose waves. It hung down her back in a cascade. She was wearing a dress a shade darker than his jumper with black stockings. His heart began to beat faster as he noticed them matching. Both in green and black.

On a whim, Severus decided to scare Lily. He tried to be as quiet as he could and when he was right behind her, hetapped her right shoulder while holding himself to her left side. Lily turned to right but didn't see anyone and when she turned to the left, Severus just made it out of her range. She got up too fast for him to process and whirled around, hitting him in the face with her hair.

"Oh!" she exclaimed once she saw him, "You frightened me Sev!"

She giggled one of her nervous laughs and Severus couldn't help but smile. He could see she had a ribbon tied into a bow on the top of her head. She looked like a present, a present he wished was his. His heart had not stopped fluttering since he first spotted her. Try as he might, he could not help the blush that crept onto his cheeks at his selfish thoughts.

"Are you finally going to explain the big surprise Lily?" he asked in a voice he hoped didn't give away his curiosity.

"Yes! We're going to my house for lunch and tea. My mum and dad want to meet you. Plus, I thought it would be good to exchange gifts somewhere warm for a change," she explained as she gestured to the parcel in his hands.

The fluttering he had been feeling suddenly stopped and he nearly fell over from the shock. He would have to make up an excuse quickly if he wanted to get out of it. He could feign sickness, which wouldn't be too hard because he felt like he was going to be sick on the sidewalk at that moment. He shook his head to clear it but couldn't think of what to say.

"I can't Lily. I have to…" he began to explain.

"NO! I will not take anything for an answer except a yes! My parents are waiting for you. I'm dressed, you're dressed," she explained with a huff. She grabbed his arm and attempted to pull him as she began walking but he stayed rooted to the spot.

"But…"

"No!"

"You see…"

"NO!"

"My mother…"

"NO!"

"I think I hear her now…"

"No Severus Tobias Snape. You will come with me or else," she said with a hard voice as she put her balled up fists on her hips.

He opened his mouth to speak but she quickly put her hand over his mouth and nose. He could smell soap on her hand. It was so small, it barely covered the bottom of his nose and some of his mouth. He quickly opened his mouth and bit her thumb, not hard but hard enough.

"Ouch! What was that for?" she angrily said as she hit him in the shoulder. She looked at her thumb and on it was a small indentation of his crooked bottom teeth.

Then she really became angry. He could see that she was talking to him, waving her hands in frustration, explaining to him how much it would mean to her. But he could not get over the fact that he had bitten her. Her hand had tasted lightly of the soap she used and it made his heart flutter once more. He couldn't say no to her. He had hurt her, as small as the bite had been and he owed her. Even if it meant his death from humiliation.

"I'll bloody go. Now will you please shut your mouth?" he told her softly. She glared at him but soon it melted away to joy. Joy he had put in her eyes once more. He allowed her to drag him by his arm to her house. Just two blocks from the park on one of the nicest streets in the whole neighborhood. Her house was the second one in, a red brick two story house with ivy crawling up the sides. The door a vibrant yellow. Lily skipped the last few steps. She then grabbed his hand and squeezed it as she gave him a radiant smile. He squeezed back and held it tight as she opened the door and led him inside.

It was defiantly much warmer inside that out. She led him to a small living room with brown couches, all facing towards a small television on the far side. A table took up the middle. On the walls hung many pictures, most of Petunia and Lily through the ages, the Evans's wedding picture and some paintings. A fireplace was behind the bigger couch and this is where Lily's parents were.

Her father was tall, from what he could tell. He was balding with the same red hair as Lily, but his eyes were dark. The woman was blonde and also tall but slim. Lily looked like her mother, same nose, same eye shape, same chin, she even got her thin lips. They both smiled as they spotted them and her father's eyes lingered on their joined hand. Severus tried to let go but Lily had a tight hold and could not be shaken off.

"It's so nice to meet you Severus. Lily will not stop telling us stories about you. Please sit down," Lily's mother said in a kind voice.

Lily dragged him to the couch and made him sit. They were so close their thighs touched and she still had not let go of his hand. It was now in her lap, in between both her hands. Her hands were warm and soft and she began to move her thumbs, making soothing circles on his pale skin. He wanted to look at their hands; it was a most interesting feeling. He didn't want her to stop, but he could see her father keep looking.

"It's very nice to extend the invitation Mrs. Evans, Mr Evans" he said in his best voice. He knew he had an accent, as did Lily. Her parents, like his mother, did not though. So he tried his best to hide it to seem more dignified.

"Please call me Rose. And this is Henry," Lily's mother said.

"Oh please, don't call me that! Harry will do just fine," Harry said with a wink.

They continued to make small talk. Severus would answer their questions. He would laugh lightly at their jokes, give all his attention to who was talking but it was hard. Lily had been uncharacteristically quiet and still had his hand in hers. Now she was tracing his fingernails lightly, sending small shivers of contentment through him.

Then Mrs. Evans announced lunch. He gave Lily's hands a squeeze. When they were alone in the living room, he dared to give the tops of them a kiss. His heartbeat pounded in his chest. He heard Lily's small gasp and he was rewarded with a huge smile. He loved how big her smiles got that they showed her bottom teeth. It helped him to see she was not perfect as he thought her. She had some imperfections.

Lunch was delicious. Stew and rolls. Even Petunia's presence did not harm his good mood. After some more questions, Lily was able to take him away from her parents and led him upstairs to her room.

Her room was small and faced the street. It was very pink: the bed, the curtains, the walls. She had many pieces of paper strewed all over the floor. On her desk she had keepsakes from the river and park they had collected. He saw a paper which said his name on it, doodled all over it in green pen and picked up out of curiosity. Before he could ask about it, it was snatched away by a very blushing Lily.

"Don't ask. Come sit down on my bed and we'll exchange gifts," she grabbed his arm and brought him over to her bed. He sat at the edge and crossed his legs at the ankle, waiting for Lily to come over with the gift. It was oddly shaped and soft, with a big black ribbon on top. She got on the bed and sat cross legged on her bed. She gave him a shy smile and turned as red as her hair.

"It isn't much, but I hope you like it," she explained breathily.

He took great care to take the paper and bow off carefully, not wanting to rip anything. He was rewarded with a bundle of black. It was a scarf. As he unwrapped it, he saw it had little green balls at the ends. A giant S was stitched on one side.

"I asked my mom to teach me how to knit it. It took me weeks to finish it. I hope you like it."

He took it in his hands and smiled. He couldn't believe Lily would spend so much time, put so much effort into something so beautiful, just for him. His breath had caught in his throat and he glanced at her. Her eyes were filled with uncertainty but when she saw his smile, it went away, replaced by his favorite emotion, joy. She laughed as he dug in his pocket for hers.

"Compared to yours, it's nothing Lily, but I hope you like it anyways."

She took the small package, wrapped in newspaper. She ripped off impatiently and opened the small box quickly. She gasped and gently took out the present.

It was a marble Lily on a chain. He had bewitched it to turn colors, depending on her moods. It was small and the chain was long, so she could hide it from prying eyes. He watched as in her fingers it turned bright yellow.

"It's charmed to change colors depending on your mood. Yellow means happiness. Red anger, blue sadness, pink embarrassment, grey is tired, green is envious and white is neutral," he explained as he took it slowly from her hands.

He asked her to pull back her hair so he could put it on. She lifted it and he placed it around her neck, brushing her nape as he did so, it was as freckly as her shoulders. His fingers were trembling but he was able to close the clasp.

She smiled up at him. She didn't thank him, like he didn't thank her. Their smiles and eyes said it all.

The rest of the afternoon they spent downstairs playing board games, which she won. They even played some chess, which he barely lost. As he was saying his goodbye and thanks, Lily once again took his hand. As she walked him to the edge of her street, she took the scarf from his pocket, went on her tiptoes, knotted it as before and then put her face to it as she wound her arms around his torso. Her hair tickled his nose. He froze, not having expected it but could feel her warmth and feel her magic around him. He swung his arms around her shoulders and held her to him. The snow began to fall and he could feel it fall on his face and land in her hair. But as it blew in every direction, he was warmed by her hug.

He did not know how long they were there, but as he wished her a safe trip and waved goodbye, he barely heard her words.

"Thank you Sev."


	7. James: First and Last Discovery

**A/N: This is a departure from Severus and Lily. I wanted to explore Dumbledore's reasoning by using James. As an avid Sev/Lily shipper, James is really not that bad. I hope I can convey his emotions correctly. Severus and James HATED each other, but I think it goes beyond just Lily. **

**Once again, I do not own any of the characters and I am not Nietzsche. Please excuse me for using his words for my own personal need. **

"The man of knowledge must be able not only to love his enemies but also to hate his friends."

_Friedrich Nietzsche_

James had never felt pain as he did now. Since he was a child, he had always had more than enough joy to overcome any sadness or pain in his life. Growing up, his parents had given their only child everything he had ever wanted. Hogwarts' detentions and lectures had been manageable because Padfoot had always been right next to him. He received more praise than rebuke because James had been an excellent Quidditch player and student. He had been fifth in his class, right after two Marauders-Moony and Padfoot, Lily and nasty Snivellus. Even his parents' passing had been bearable with Lily and his best mates by his side.

But everything had been ripped from under him. Dumbledore had come to his home two days ago to tell him and Lily about the danger they were facing. It had scared him, to the core. He had destroyed everything he loved in his house, lied and left his wife to grieve by herself. He couldn't breathe, let alone think about his horrible actions.

He had not told Moony he was showing up, but was received with open arms and a cold drink. The message was sent to Padfoot and Wormtail, who came instantly. James had never seen Padfoot so angry. He was cussing up a storm and shattering so many mugs, Moony had to put a Protego charm around his small kitchen to stop Padfoot from destroying everything. Wormtail just cried in a corner, hiccupping as he sipped his drink.

They came up with tactics thanks to Moony's calm reasoning and Padfoot's aggressive nature. James agreed with everything they said, but he couldn't help but think about _who_ had risked their life to warn Dumbledore. It was no coincidence; it had to be someone who cared about them, or rather Lily. He didn't want to think too much about it because it angered him. But no matter how many different scenarios Moony and Padfoot went through-Wormtail was too torn up in the corner to say anything- he couldn't grasp the concept. He just nodded at the appropriate moments.

Soon the overwhelming need to know the answer overtook him. He could die. Lily was in danger. Their unborn child, beyond innocent, was being tracked. He knew he should focus on the task at hand, but he was going to go into hiding anyways. Nothing mattered. Dumbledore would not change his mind once set. The only thing worth importance at the moment was finding out who had helped them.

He got up abruptly, knowing Padfoot was already reaching for him. He ran to the door, opened it hastily and threw himself out.

He apparated to Hogsmeade, the air cooler. He looked around, afraid someone had seen him. Once he saw the coast was clear, he got his Invisibility cloak out and hurried down the road to the castle. He wanted to face Dumbledore and demand answers.

James stopped at the gate and waved the enchantment he had learned from Order meetings. He knew the element of surprise was over. The spell likely to give the Headmaster a warning of who was coming, but he didn't care, he wanted his answers.

He quickly made his way past Hagrid's hut, which had smoke coming out of the chimney, the smell lingering in the air. Once he arrived to the doors, James began to doubt himself. He wanted the answer but he was scared. Scared of who it could be. Someone who loved his Lily so much, they would sacrifice their life. …no, he could not speculate. It could not be _him_.

The way to the Headmaster's office was clear; he only spotted Peeves in a passing classroom, throwing chalk at the ceiling, singing one of his mad songs. The night was so quiet it suffocated him, the air pressed around his cloak. The only sound was the squeaking of his shoes when he turned corners. Finally, he was in front of the gargoyle. He did not say anything, but somehow the stone creature jumped out of his way, speaking in Dumbdelore's soft voice, "come in."

The Headmaster was surrounded by a pile of envelopes, most with the same black waxy seal. He did not look up when James entered, so James took the seat across from him. The Headmaster was leaned over so far as he wrote, he appeared hunchback, his glasses on the edge of falling off. Aware he was still wearing his Cloak, James took it off and stuffed it, the best he could, into his pocket.

"Ah, James. Good evening, I was not expecting a visit so late from you, but nonetheless, let us take this time to discuss what is obviously plaguing you so," and with a wave of the Headmaster's hand, the envelopes and writing instruments disappeared and a set of biscuits and tea appeared. James shook his head at the Headmaster's request to take a mug. He waited silently as he watched the gray wizard mix sugar and milk into his tea, slowly and carefully. He heard the sharp clinking of the spoon on the cup and waited patiently. Once the spoon was set aside, James started to talk, not giving the Headmaster time to start the conversation

"I want to know who it is Headmaster. I must know who it is that told you about the prophecy. I don't care if you are breaking a word because I have the right to know. It is my life, my family, my wife…my child…" James had wanted to be strong, but it was too much for him. He was reduced to tears and he had never felt more like a bloody fool.

"I cannot say who it was James. It is in confidence this person told me and in confidence I will continue to keep him," the Headmaster explained serenely, not one bit surprised by James words or tears.

James began to think of the greasy ugly bat Snivellus. No matter how hard he tried, only anger and jealousy came from his thoughts. Snivellus had been a right prat in school, but he was now a Death Eater. As evil as You-Know-Who.

Dumbledore looked up and smiled. His bright blue eyes caught James' and widened in surprise for a mere second before returning to normal. The headmaster quickly looked down and started to inspect a ring on his finger. When he finally looked up, James could see a small sad smile behind his beard.

"James, please understand that not everyone is as they seem," Dumbledore said, his eyes twinkling.

James couldn't understand why they were so bright. A bloody Death Eater was trying to infiltrate the Order. Trying to take his wife away from him, his love, his baby. No, Dumbledore was barking mad. There was no way Dumbledore could justify this.

"Love is our greatest weapon in this war. Those who love will bring triumph to the Wizarding World. You must harness your strength James and put all your love and devotion into those you care about. Your friends, your wife and most importantly your child," Dumbledore said in a soft voice, so soft James had to strain to hear every word.

"That good for nothing bloody Death Eater does not know love, " James said as he raised unsteadily from his seat. "Fucker doesn't have a loving bone in his body and I will be bloody damned if he tries to communicate with my wife. She is _mine_, I love her and my baby. So fuck you, if you think you can honestly believe he loves her. He doesn't love her, he's just hurt I got her and he didn't get to put his greasy hands all over her. Our baby is our love. So excuse me but I disagree!"

He punctured his last statement with a slam to the table, knocking down a mug and scattering biscuits all over the table. But he didn't care, he was fuming. How _dare_ Dumbledore think _Snivellus _loved his wife when he has clearly shown otherwise in school?

Dumbledore waved his wand and everything disappeared except for his mug of tea. He too got up, walked around his desk and came to stand in front of James. He looked weary but put both hands on James' shoulders and said as softly as before.

"We do not choose who we love. Sometimes we get lucky and love is mutual, as with you and Lily. But other times, love is one-sided. Love makes us act stupid, but it is the strongest magic our world knows. It has the power to heal, change and defeat evil. Remember this in your weakest moment James. Don't forget it."

James didn't want to believe it. He was so angry, but a small part of his brain understood. Anyone could defy the odds, take Padfoot for example. As long as his small family was safe, he knew Dumbledore was right. Hate, anger, jealousy. Those would not save him now. Love, acceptance, understanding was what people needed.

Dumbledore squeezed his shoulders.

"Good. You understand. This is for the best, my boy. You'll see," the Headmaster said with another sad smile.

James hoped Dumbledore was right, but would soon find out how wrong it could be.


	8. Lily: First Birthday

**A/N: This is after the Christmas chapter, before the James chapter. **

**Severus may seem a little OOC because he tells Lily he misses her but I think he would try to connect to Lily in the early years and that is why the loss of friendship was so hard for them both.**

"**We're the kids who feel like dead ends  
And I want to be known for my hits, not just my misses  
I took a shot and didn't even come close  
At trust and love and hope"**

"**I've Got A Dark Alley And A Bad Idea That Says You Should Shut Your Mouth (Summer Song)" **

**by Fall Out Boy**

"**Ever since you, came into my life, I been moving  
closer to, trying to build a vault around the both of us  
When you're gone baby I ain't cool  
No I ain't cool, no I can't move… Oh! I know it all can't be  
just a figment of imagination, a dream that won't come true"**

"**Real" by Frank Ocean**

Lily wasn't home often as the holidays continued. She was busy visiting family every day of the week. Her dad had asked for a few weeks off and so the Evan's traveled through Britain, finding almost every relative they had.

She was happy to meet everyone but as one week turned to two and then into three, she missed Sev more and more. She had sent him a letter through the mail, hoping he would receive it and would not be angry at the change of plans. She had originally told him she was going to be away only a week but her parents had changed their minds halfway through the week.

As she went from house to house, Lily became lonelier. Though she was constantly surrounded by family, there was always something missing. She could not talk to anyone about magic, or do any without raising suspicions.

The day finally came, when the Evan's car made it all the way to their home. Lily was bursting to run out and go to the park as fast as her legs could carry her but her mum insisted that she unpack and eat first. This alone took more than two hours and by the time her mum had wrapped the second scarf around her neck, it was already growing dark.

She was surprised to see that Sev was not at the park but at their usual meeting place by the river. He was wrapped in the scarf she had given him, which made her smile. He was crossed legged, his knees and elbows making sharp angles, with a book in hand. She decided to sneak up on him. She willed her feet to be silent as she tiptoed over. She slowly lowered her hands over his eyes and then

BAM!

She was hit in the head with the large book he had been reading. He had an accurate aim and the corner of it hit her squarely in the nose.

"Who the bloody fuck are….Lily?!"

She had heard Sev use foul language before but never like this. He was standing over her. She had fallen hard on the floor, her hat next to her. He had looked positively frightful when he had spun around but now his face was full of horror, his heavy tome forgotten on the side.

She was seeing double. She could see two of his large nose. His hair swished uncontrollably in front of her, his lips babbling. It was strange, she couldn't focus on his face but his eyes seemed to bore into hers. Full of concern it made her want to cry. It hurt enough for her to cry, but she willed herself not to. She did not want to seem a fool.

"Lily, I apologize…Please don't be mad…I didn't know….Please forgive me…I can fix it….Please, please.."

His voice sounded rough, as if he too was holding back tears. His voice faded in and out, she only caught bits and pieces. Her eyes felt heavy, her nose throbbed, she felt something wet on her face, and she hoped it wasn't tears. She could barely feel the pressure Sev was putting on her hand.

She closed her eyes briefly; they felt too heavy for her to keep them open. As soon as she closed them though, she felt a warm sensation heating up her face and head. She could feel the wet, hopefully not tears, disappear. When she opened her eyes, she was surprised to see Sev so close to her. She could see his pupil finally. His eyes not black as he sometimes joked, but a very dark brown, lighter at the edges. His nose was mere inches from hers. He was still looking at her with concern, but she no longer hurt. She slowly got up but Sev put a hand up to stop her.

"I used magic to heal you, but I'm rubbish at it. So you might want to stay lying for a bit," he said softly. She could feel his warm breath in her face, he was that close.

"That's fine. But it's uncomfortable on the ground you know."

Sev looked like has about to take his coat off but she shook her head. It was cold out and she didn't want him to sacrifice his warmth for her. Instead she twisted so her head was near his legs.

"Budge up so I can rest my head in your lap," she said as she tried to get him to sit normally. His eyes widened but he did as she requested.

He wasn't very comfortable and she was glad when he situated his scarf so she could put her ear on it. He seemed to not know what to do with his hands, so she grabbed them and put it in her hair. When she was younger she would love when Tuney or her mum would thread their fingers through her hair. It would always make her relax.

Sev soon got the hint and started to run his finger through her hair. He did it slowly and with light pressure, as to not hurt her head she assumed. His hands warmed her scalp and sent shivers down her back.

"Are you cold?" he asked, mistaking the shivers for that of coldness.

"No no, I'm fine. Try putting a little more pressure in your touch Sev."

He did as he was asked and soon Lily was so relaxed she swore she had dozed off but then Sev started to talk.

"I missed you Lily. I received your letter. I'm happy you met more relatives but wish it had taken less time. You missed my birthday."

At this, she sat up bolt straight, scaring Sev who's hands were still in her hair. He leaned back and moved his hands to her shoulders.

"What do you mean I missed your birthday?!"

"It was two days ago," he said as he let her go and put his hands in his lap. He looked everywhere but at her.

"I'm so sorry Sev, I didn't know! If I would have known I would have begged my parents to come back sooner!"

"It's ok Lily, it's not your fault. I just wish you would have been here."

She looked at his face, devoid of emotion and decided she needed to make it up to him. What sort of best friend would she be if she didn't.

"Well since I missed it, I'll make it up to you on Saturday. Promise," she told him as she put her right hand up in the air and the other over her heart. Sev looked at her, eyes full of amusement and a hint of happiness. "We'll be celebrating both our birthdays! Because mine is in a little under a month away!"

"Really? I always assumed your birthday would be in spring or fall, when the beauty is at its peak in nature, "he said softly, his cheeks gaining a nice rosy color. "Dead of winter should be left for those who are cold of heart," he continued even softer, looking at his hands in his lap.

"Oh shut it Sev. You aren't cold hearted! You wouldn't have fixed my face if you were."

"It was my fault to begin with."

She didn't know what to say. It was true, he had hit her with the book but she had tried to scare him. He was a paranoid boy she had noticed.

"Don't worry about it," she said as she waved her hands in the air dismissively and plaves her head in his lap again. "You apologized and fixed it, which is what matters. Now why don't you talk to me as I get some rest before I return home?"

And he did. He spoke of many things, his books, Hogwarts, spells he had read about, potion ingredient that could be found in the river. Lily could feel his voice echo through his body, soothing her aching head. His hands once again found her hair and slowly moved it aside to massage her scalp. At one point his hands timidly massaged her neck and she gave a sigh of contentment. He was her best friend and anything he did would always make her feel better.

The day ended with her asking her mother if she could fix a meal for her and Sev to celebrate their birthdays. Her mother agreed and even told her she would make them a small cake. Lily was so excited for the following week to share it with him.

The day came and went. Sev had eaten so much of the cake, he was sick behind the trees later on and Lily rubbed his back when he came back out. And for her birthday she received a blue journal with a small lily painted on the bottom corner. He had bewitched it to never run out of paper and only be able to be read by her. She began to write in it that day, mostly writing of her best friend whom she would do anything for.


End file.
